Today, I would like to take a moment to relate to you a GREAT story that I just read from Carlos Xuma, one of the BEST Inner Game Gurus that I have ever known.  Carlos writes, in his Alpha Man Manifesto, about his friend Keith.

I am going to try to summarize his story here for you without retelling the whole thing.

Keith was a great guy – and a hardworking, decent looking, educated person who was something of a PUA (pick up artist).   Keith really wanted to learn to pick up women, to perfect it, so to speak, and he REALLY did his homework.  He studies from all the best – David DeAngelo, Carlos Xuma, Ross Jeffries, etc.  His goal, according to Carlos Xuma, was to perfect “The ability to approach and attract women with the goal of getting sexually intimate with as many women as he could”.

Rock on, Keith!

Right??  Isn’t that what it is all about – validating our manhood and prowess by bagging as many women as we can?

Well, you know, not really.

So here is what I think (and it happens to coincide with exactly what Carlos Xuma continued to write about Keith).  Keith learned a LOT of things – he learned about Kino, pick up lines, groups, eye contact, inner game – and all that.

BUT…

Something was still missing.   He had all these great PIECES to the puzzle – but had no idea what to do to start putting them together to MAKE something useful.  Carlos Xuma writes, “You see, a lot of guys go through this. They learn a lot of “pickup” skills – the opening lines and the techniques, but they don’t learn that they need to be integrating their skills into their daily lives.  It’s just as much about being a good SOCIAL guy as it is about being good at dating.”

Carlos goes on to explain in Alpha Man Manifesto that it is a hundred times MORE important that you learn to BALANCE out your pickup and dating skills with your SOCIAL skills – because WITHOUT THOSE SOCIAL SKILLS – YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP!

Relationships require deep inner game skills, balance and the ability to relate to other people.  If you are learning to pick up women in hopes of finding that one, RIGHT woman for you – then you are going to need to learn how to take your pick-up into actually DATING and MAINTAINING, and to do that, you have to have yourself balanced out and in tune.

It’s one thing to be able to pick the women up – but once you have her interest, can you KEEP it?  Are you a true alpha man – ready to lead the pack, or are you still a beta in training, or a lone wolf?

So what happened to Keith?  Well, according to Carlos Xuma, Keith took some interest in HIMSELF, and set about creating a better person and companion for all the people he was in relationships – and it ended up leading him to the woman he had been hoping to find all this time.   He found her when he was focusing on creating alpha male confidence, quality and power in his OWN life, and transformed himself from another guy trying to get laid to a man worthy of alpha status and claim.

So – my question to YOU today is, WHY are you in this?  If you just want to pick up women and get laid, well, alright, that is your prerogative.  But to YOU – you who want to transform yourself into a strong and powerful alpha man, not for the sake of your DICK, but in order to be a better person all around, then I am here to help you.

Take This Quiz and I can help you get your inner game on.

With confidence,

Michael

I recently read an article from Carlos Xuma talking about dating inner game – and the fears and problems that go along with dating, in general, for BOTH men and women. The interesting this is, the fears and problems that men and women have with dating are similar – but not the same, just as what attracts women to men is not the same as what attracts men to women.

When it all boils down, it seems that most of the biggest fears men have are centered around (whether they know it or not) being a capable alpha male, having an alpha personality while women’s are centered around being an able and acceptable mate. (Now, ladies, don’t bludgeon me to death – what I mean is women seem to be more worries about being found acceptable and finding emotional common-ground than men are!)

Here is the list of the 5 biggest fears for Men and Women in dating:

WOMEN’S BIGGEST DATING FEARS:
1. She is not physically or sexually attractive to him (Acceptance)
2. She is not able to foster an emotional connection with him (Retention)
3. She will not get a commitment from him (Retention)
4. She will lose an emotional connection if she DOES connect with him (Retention)
5. She will be left behind for another woman (Retention)

MEN’S BIGGEST DATING FEARS:
1. He will experience rejection or embarrassment (He does not understand what attracts women to men)
2. He will give up his freedom if he does form a connection (He does not understand the alpha personality)
3. He will be seen as unsuccessful or unable to provide for her (alpha male Fears)
4. He will not satisfy her sexually (alpha male Fears)
5. He will not understand her emotions (He does not understand the alpha personality)

So, in looking at these dating fears, we can see a big difference in what men and women think – and we can also see that fear in dating is perfectly natural, and prevalent on BOTH sides of the coin.

Men seem to fear being inadequate in more ways than one – not being able to fulfill her sexual needs, not being able to attract her pr provide for her, not understanding the woman-speak of emotions and emotional needs. Men’s fears seem to center more around alpha behaviors – attracting her, sexually satisfying her, etc – and whether or not they will be able to fulfill these portions of the “dating contract”. If men understood the characteristics of the alpha personality, they would alleviate MANY of these fears easily.

Women, on the other hand, seem to be more afraid of acceptance and retention of a mate – such as not being attractive (thus not selected), not being able to get a commitment, losing her connection, etc. these fears center more around her ability to keep the man she attracts rather than the initial attraction. If a woman understood the concepts of what attracts women to men and vice-versa, they would feel better about this as well.

If you look closely, though, it really seems to fit the same old stereo-type – women need emotional security and men need to feel they can complete the role of the leader and provider.

Go figure!

So – what is one great dating tip that can help EITHER sex take a deep breath and flow more positively and confidently into the role they want? Carlos Xuma calls it “Pause Conditioning”.

Interesting. What he means is this – in the moment that you are in – in the moment of interaction where you feel yourself responding to a stimulus with a knee-jerk reaction that reflects a defensive or unconscious response….

PAUSE.

Here are some examples for men….

-You approach a woman and she does not acknowledge your presence immediately.
What do you do? Do you get immediately embarrassed and walk away and ignore her, or do you…pause…take a deep breath and realize that perhaps she needs a greater attractive opening than you have given her? Perhaps you need to change your approach a little, tweak it to succeed.
-You order a drink for a woman but she seems to only accept it because she is being polite.
What do you do? Do you tell her see you later and walk away with your face on fire? Or do you change your game up a bit and start on the Cocky Comedy and try to spark the attraction?
-You have a sexual experience with a woman and she does not seem fulfilled.
What do you do? Do you never call her again because you are embarrassed, or do you dive in with gusto, taking charge, listening to her body language and showing her passion and the male dominance that women crave in the bedroom?

Keep in mind, men, that if you were to educate yourself about alpha male characteristics, you could blow these fears out of the water easily!

Here are a few examples for women….

-You are with a guy and he looks at another woman.
Do you immediately call him a snake and smack him with your purse, or get angry? Or do you realize that men are visual creatures, take a deep breath and pull out a few attractive tricks of your own from your personal arsenal?
-You feel your man is withdrawn and pulling away.
Do you get clingy and needy trying to evoke his protective response, or do you lean back a little and allow him to come to you when he is ready?
-You are flirting with a guy and he starts coming on to you sexually
Do you respond in kind because you really like him, or do you re-asses your situation and realize that just maybe immediate gratification is not what you NEED in a relationship?

For any of these situations, and a million more that come up in everyday life, if you can train yourself to PAUSE and take a few moments to reflect before you react, you will train yourself to think before you act, and to take actions, then, that are MUCH more along the lines of what YOU want to accomplish in your life.

This goes for dating, relationships, and ANY arena that you are involved in. For men, this is a KEY alpha-male characteristics, leading to calm, logical decisions and not knee-jerk fight or flight responses. For women, it is the same – alpha-female characteristics that lead to mature, lasting relationships full of love with a man who realizes that he has a rare gem on his hands.

I get a lot of questions from my readers on how to create attraction with a woman.  It is one of the most common dating advice questions, and one that is easiest – as well as hardest – to answer.  Here’s why….

 Creating attraction with a woman is a simple thing, actually, and can really be tied t a set of actions or a mindset that a man has.  However – getting it RIGHT is another thing.  You see – what turns women on and creates – and maintains – attraction for them is alpha male characteristics.  And I am sure that you have heard that term before, and you may groan and think, “Not more of this stuff!” – but let me ask you something – is what you are doing….WORKING?  Probably not if you are looking for dating tips on attraction. 

 Ok, so let’s go through a few simple steps to get you on your way to attracting high quality women.  First of all, to be an alpha male, you have GOT to have confidence.  Sounds simple, right?  Or maybe, it sounds really, really out of reach for you.  Either way – this is what you need to do.

Fake it till you make it.

Seriously.

If you do not have confidence, then you need to adjust your body language until it comes naturally to you.  If you can do that, you will grow accustomed to accepting what you project, and you will BECOME that confident, masculine man that attracts women.

So – here goes.  Practice this in a mirror.  You stand straight.  You keep your chin up and your gaze strong.  When you meet a woman’s stare – you look back at her – do not let your gaze slip away like some coquettish school-girl.  You are a man.  Look at her and look into her. Nod your head, smile a little half smile like with one side of your mouth, sort of like you know something she does not know.  And then turn around, and ignore her for a while. 

Now, you keep your back straight, but keep your hands and arms, and your step, loose and liquid.  Like you have a rock solid core but you are WITHOUT care, without nervousness and agitation.  You are unflappable, and whatever happens around you – you can handle – calmly, coolly and without losing your self-control.

These are the building blocks of the alpha personality that is going to attract women.  Notice though, that I say nothing about lines, plays, schemes, magic cologne or anything like that.  It’s not about that.  It’s about who YOU are and what you project.  If you project confidence and masculinity – women WILL notice.  Women WILL be attracted to that.

 I know it sounds far fetched right now – but that is because your confidence is probably in the toilet.  So give it a shot, and educate yourself MORE about what it means to be an alpha male.  Learn to walk the walk and talk the talk, and the women will come. 

 Amen brother! 

Learn more now – http://tinyurl.com/alpha-man

With Confidence,

Michael